When the Relief Society Presidency first passed out our copies of Daughters in My Kingdom, the new book about the history of Relief Society, I thought it was nice that they remembered to pass them out the Primary teachers, but then I took it home and set it aside. I was busy with Primary lessons, my personal scripture study, rereading General Conference talks, and trying to keep up with the Sunday School and Relief Society lessons. I had plenty of other Church materials to keep me busy, and for me, Relief Society has always been the place I have to go when I can’t get the bishopric to give me a calling in Primary. So, I wasn’t really that interested. However, once I finally cracked the cover, I found that this slim blue book is a treasure trove of inspiration and it offered me a connection to Relief Society that I’ve never quite found before. I wanted to devour it in one sitting, but I also wanted to stretch it out day after day because I loved the feelings I got as I was reading it and wanted to be able to experience them each day. There have been so many lessons that the Spirit taught me as I read through the book, and I just want to share a few.
We Can All Be Extraordinary and Change the World
Daughters in My Kingdom begins, “In the first meeting of the Relief Society, Sister Emma Smith said, ‘We are going to do something extraordinary.’ She was right. The history of Relief Society is filled with examples of ordinary women who have accomplished extraordinary things as they have exercised faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ” (xi). This stood out to me, because I always want to be special in some way; I’m always longing for some sort of recognition that will show me that my efforts matter—that I matter. Reading this just helped me realize that I don’t have to try to prove that I’m special; I can be ordinary but as I have faith in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father and use the talents endowed in me as a daughter of God, They will provide the “extraordinary.”
Later in the book, Elaine S. Jack tells about how in 1992, the 150th celebration of the Relief Society was an opportunity for service and all over the world, Relief Society groups went out and served. The R.S. presidency in one ward went to the city council and asked what they could do to help. Sister Jack recalled,
And the men said, ‘You mean 20,000 groups throughout this world are going to be doing this same thing?’ And she said yes. And [one of the council members] said, ‘You’ll change the world.’ And I think we did … for the better… [Sisters] made lap rugs in South Africa for those elderly in the home. … They planted flowers around [a] clock tower in Samoa. And they did so many things with homeless shelters or providing books for children or painting homes for unwed mothers, that sort of thing. We felt that throughout the world these community service projects were a great thing, both for the sisters and for the community (p. 95-96).
Being somewhat cynical, as I looked through that list of projects, I thought, But they didn’t change the world—because lap rugs and flowers don’t seem world-changing to me. However, the Spirit quickly corrected me to say that they did change the world. Did they solve world hunger? End warfare? Eliminate crime? No. Not on a large scale anyway. But they made people’s lives better, and that does change the world.
We All Have Something to Offer
In Nauvoo, the women of Relief Society decided to help the men who were building the temple; in the minutes from one of their meetings, they recorded what each woman volunteered to do or to give in order to help. Some said they’d solicit donations, or donate material for clothing, or give soup or milk, etc. (p.22). This list of their different offerings taught me that all of us have something that we can offer to meet the needs around us. It might not be the same as what someone else offers—and maybe we’re even a little embarrassed that we don’t have more to offer—but we can all contribute.
Be Obedient, Even If You Can’t See Why It Matters
I’ve long known the story of how the Relief Society sisters back in the late 1800 and early 1900s had stored lots of wheat and then sold it to the U.S. government during World War I. But Emmeline B. Wells’s comment on that experience was an eye-opening one for me; she said, “In all these years we have not had much need to use the grain stored away for the purpose it was designed, but with the dark cloud hovering over the world as it now does, we can see the prophetic wisdom of President Young in calling upon the sisters to save grain against a time of need” (p. 56)
Brigham Young gave the instructions and decades later—and four prophets later, since Joseph F. Smith was the prophet during WWI—they finally could see why the instruction was given, at least on a large scale. That means many of the sisters who had helped with the storage never even saw why it was needed, because they died before WWI. And many women weren’t alive when President Young gave the initial instructions. And yet, they were faithful to the words of the prophet, and the Lord was able to use them to bless countless lives. This story is a good reminder that even if we can’t see why the Lord has asked us to do something, He can—and we need to do it even if we never see why.
Developing a Positive Attitude Is a Skill of Self-Reliance
In the 1930s, the First Presidency, comprised of Heber J. Grant, Anthony W. Ivins, and J. Reuben Clark, Jr. offered this counsel: “We…urge, earnestly and always upon the people, the paramount necessity of living righteously; of avoiding extravagance; of cultivating the habits of thrift, economy, and industry; of living strictly within their incomes; and of laying aside something, however small the amount may be, for the times of greater stress that may come to us.” (p. 71). The words “habits of thrift, economy and industry” stood out to me; I thought living within our means and having savings were the habits of economy and thrift. So I started thinking of other habits we can develop, like learning to garden, preserve food, sew, knit, do car maintenance, and anything that allows us to help ourselves and others.
Then I read about Louise Y. Robison, the seventh Relief Society General President, and how she had “grown up in a humble log home in rural Scipio, Utah, where she had learned to farm, garden, sew, work hard, live on little, and be of good cheer.” (p.70-71). I didn’t think of being of good cheer as a habit of thrift, economy, and industry, but I came to realize that might actually be the best habit we can acquire in these areas. Earlier in the book, there was a sidebar about becoming self-reliant and the second item on the list is “acquire a spirit of self-sacrifice.” While we should be acquiring whatever skills we can, we need to remember that our attitude toward self-reliance is just as important as any other skill.
Relief Society Is Energizing
There were several instances as I was reading this book that I felt very inadequate. After reading President Spencer W. Kimball’s quotation, “The cultivation of Christlike qualities is a demanding and relentless task—it is not for the seasonal worker or for those who will not stretch themselves again and again” (p. 5), I was left worrying that I’m only a “seasonal worker” who gets “weary in well-doing” (D&C 64:33) because it seems like there’s always so much to do.
When I read that President Boyd K. Packer had taught, “It is as obligatory upon a woman to draw into her life the virtues that are fostered by the Relief Society as it is an obligation for the men to build into their lives the patterns of character fostered by the Priesthood” (p. 16), I was very worried because I’ve never taken Relief Society as seriously as the Priesthood.
Reading about visiting teaching was another hard area for me: “Through this system of watchcare [visiting teaching], each Latter-day Saint woman has the opportunity to be an instrument in the Lord’s hands” (p. 110). Visiting teaching has always been hard for me; I always feel inadequate to teach anyone. And I wondered how get to the point where I really, truly want to be an instrument in the Lord’s hands—to want Him to be involved in other people’s lives through me? That is one of the invitations of Relief Society, but I feel like I’m not a very good instrument.
So, I felt discouraged, but at the same time, I really wanted to become more than I am through Relief Society. I’ve been inviting the Spirit into my life more, and I’ve tried to act more like a Relief Society sister should. And I found that it’s not in the doing that I become weary. If I think about all the things a daughter of God should do (service, personal and family scripture study, visiting teaching, fulfill callings, temple and family history work, and on, and on, and on), that’s wearying. But as I actually get to work doing these things, I’m energized. I’m excited to be involved in the Gospel. And instead of feeling drained or overwhelmed or even sad about my inadequacies (which are still there and unfortunately didn’t magically disappear), I’ve found that the increased measure of the Spirit that came as I elevate my life really makes a difference. I’ve found that, “The Holy Ghost ‘satisfies and fills up every longing of the human heart and fills up every vacuum. When I am filled with that Spirit […] my soul is satisfied, and I can say in good earnest, that the trifling things of the day do not seem to stand in my way at all” (Eliza R. Snow, p. 46). I still get tired, of course, but I’m not weary in well-doing.
Relief Society Is about Getting Just As Much As It Is about Giving
Elder John A. Widstoe discussed the different areas of relief to be found in Relief Society: “Relief of poverty; relief of illness; relief of doubt, relief of ignorance—relief of all that hinders the joy and progress of woman” (p. 25). I realized that we all need relief from something. I’ve always thought of Relief Society in terms of what we’re supposed to do for other people, but I’ve never really thought about what it should be for me. I’m not very poor, or ill, or doubtful, and I hope I’m not very ignorant. But there will always been things that can hinder our joy and progress, and each of us needs to know that Relief Society is not only a place where we give but also where we get relief from whatever is hindering our joy and progress.
President Packer said of Relief Society, “This great circle of sisters will be a protection for each of you and for your families. The Relief Society might be likened to a refuge—the place of safety and protection—the sanctuary of ancient times. You will be safe within it. It encircles each sister like a protecting wall (p. 81). What protection can we find in Relief Society—or could if we would let ourselves find it—and what protection we can help others find? A few of the things I thought of were:
• Protection against loneliness, in the form of friends
• Protection against spiritual danger, as we’re strengthened by the women around us and the doctrines taught.
• Protection against the economy, as we learn habits of thrift, economy, and industry
• Protection against ignorance and Satan’s temptations and lies as we learn knowledge.
I’m sure there are many more as well, but just this brief list helped me see that Relief Society has protected me and provided relief in ways that I overlooked before.
It’s Time to Step Up and Stand Out
President Spencer W. Kimball prophesied: “Much of the major growth that is coming to the Church in the last days will come because many of the good women of the world (in whom there is often such an inner sense of spirituality) will be drawn to the Church in large numbers. This will happen to the degree that the women of the Church reflect righteousness and articulateness in their lives and to the degree that the women of the Church are seen as distinct and different—in happy ways—from the women of the world.” (p. 95)
I’m not really one for standing out; I’d rather blend in. I don’t want to attract very much attention, but here is a call from a prophet to be seen and to be heard—to be viewed doing good and being happy and to be articulate. God didn’t send me here to be a mouse hiding in a corner; He sent me here to be a woman who will point others to Him. It reminds me of a line from the Young Women anthem for 2011, Guardians of Virtue: “We are beacons of His love, pointing others to His light.” I think that this is what God is calling us to do. The world needs Relief Society, but the world won’t even know that we exist or what we are really here to do unless we are willing to stand up and show them.
President Kimball also said, “There is a power in this organization [of Relief Society] that has not yet been fully exercised to strengthen the homes of Zion and build the Kingdom of God—nor will it until both the sisters and the priesthood catch the vision of Relief Society.” (p. 142). I still have a long way to go before I fully catch the vision of Relief Society, but Daughters in My Kingdom has greatly expanded what I think about Relief Society. It’s time for me to stop thinking of Relief Society as that class I have to go to when I can’t go to Primary and instead, realize that it is the Lord’s institution for women and that I have a responsibility to Him and my sisters both in the Church and out to do my part, to really be a member of Relief Society and do the Lord’s work.
Relief Society Is for Me
In the last chapter of the book, there’s a story about a woman whose stepfather passed away as a teenager and the Relief Society sisters really helped her and her mother. She wanted to repay them but couldn’t really; years later, she “repaid” them by taking her “turn” to serve. This legacy of service was something that really mattered to her—she said, “That’s how I feel about Relief Society way down deep. And why” (p. 177-178). That stood out to me because I didn’t know what I felt about Relief Society deep down, probably because it didn’t go deep down for me. But through reading Daughters in My Kingdom, it has started to mean something to me—and for the first time in my life, I actually miss Relief Society, even though I love my calling in Primary. I do believe it was given by the Lord, through His prophets, to His daughters, and I want to give it a chance to mean more to me, way deep down. I want to learn to really belong to Relief Society and I want to be able to pass that onto my children as well. I’m grateful that the Lord cares about His daughters, that He gave us Relief Society, and that He inspired this beautiful book, which has helped me better understand both Relief Society and what it means to be His daughter.
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